Twas the Night Before Christmas
by TheChicaChic
Summary: Just a short funny little story starring Bosco, Faith and Fred
1. Default Chapter

_Alright...so I forgot the subject and lost this, so now, I must try and re-write it.  *cries*  This is just a short little funny story – oh and if you like Fred…sorry._

_Title: Twas the Night Before Christmas_

_Rating: PG_

_Author: TheChicaChic_

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the apartment, not a creature was stirring, not even a roach.  The children were tucked away snuggly in their beds with thoughts of shopping and games in their dreams.  Down the hall in a room of our own, slept Faith and I, together we spooned, bare legs entwined, in hopes that Saint Nick would soon be there.  Up on the roof, a disgruntled man fumed, his cheeks rosy from the snow that formed in the air.  A door banged against a building, and if you listened closey, the sound of a siren could be heard.  With a few loud grunts, and many grumbled curses, the man heaved himself up and over the side of the chimney.  Arms first, followed by a head, and than shortly, an entire body managed to squeeze into the small space.  As if by magic, or maybe by a sound, I sat up in bed and looked around.  Something was wrong, I could feel it in the air, as I gently shook Faith and reached for my gun.  She followed suit, as we both slipped from the bed, Faith in my shirt and I in my boxers.  Not a sound was to be heard, except for the curses faintly echoing from the living room.  She took low, I took high, as we made our way down the darkened hallway.  We looked towards the chimney, a head could be seen.  Guns were lowered as we made our way through the room.

"I knew it." a voice came from the fireplace, loud and drunk.  "You two are shaking up."

Shaking my head, my foot had a spasm as it shot out and kicked the gas pedal.  Flames licked up the sides of the fireplace, and screams could be heard as the scent of bacon filled the air.

"Freddy Freddy Freddy, you've been a bad monkey" I heard myself mumble, my arms reaching towards Faith.

"Merry Christmas Baby." I said, my lips against hers.

"Merry Christmas Boz." she said with a laugh.

"I'll get you back Boscorelli, you'll pay for steal...aaaarrrrrggggg"

"Faith."

"Yeah Bosco."

"I believe you're divorce is now final...and I made Christmas breakfast."

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_Okay...so I'm a bit disturbed, but it was rolling around in my head, begging to be let out.  I would like to say sorry to the person who has been writing the "kill Fred" series, but I just had to borrow it this time.  And I would just like to say...the bad monkey is a takeoff of something said in Ghostbusters Two. _


	2. Chapter Two

_Title: Twas the Night Before Christmas - Part Two_

_Author: MabMerlin/HHChicaChic/Jenn (Three of the voices in my head)_

_Spoiler: Read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' before reading this one._

_Author's Note: This is told from Fred's pov.  You'll see, but this is mainly a Fred chapter.  *ducks the flying shoes*_

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I felt the fire on my skin, the burning sensation hitting all my senses at once.  I tried screaming, but that didn't work, so I started praying.  Somewhere in my mind, I heard Boscorelli saying something about me being a bad monkey.  'What the hell is he talking about' I thought to myself as I finally gave into the darkness that was surrounding me.  The next thing I remember is waking to a flash of light, and suddenly, I'm sitting on the floor by the fireplace in my old living room.  I look around, trying to see if maybe it was just a memory, I mean, maybe the past few months had just been some kind of nightmare; a drunken nightmare.  But I realize it wasn't as I see Jimmy Doherty and two female paramedics standing almost on top of me.

"I'm sorry Faith, I know this is difficult, him being the father of your children and all, but it looks like he hit the switch to the gas when he came down.  He had no chance once the flames started."

I watched as Faith nodded, Bosco's arm around her waist as they stood there looking at the firefighter.

"That's not what happened you twit.  Boscorelli kicked the switch.  The stupid ass is getting away with murder."

By now, I was on my feet and lunging at the man who had his arms around my wife.  The jag-off as he always calls people, ruined everything, coming in here and putting the moves on my family.  He broke it up, and now, he's getting away with murder.

"That isn't going help."

I spun around at the voice behind me and saw of all things, a little cricket in a top hat sitting on a branch of the Christmas tree.

"Excuse me, but who are you?"

He jumped up and tipped that hat at me with his little umbrella.  "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Jimminy Cricket, and I am here to guide you through the beginning process of this."

I starred at him, my mouth must have been open because when he flew over on a gust of air, he popped my mouth shut.

"What process?"

"Why reliving key points in your life before you death."

"I want to relive kicking that family stealing jag-off's ass."

"Temper temper, violence really isn't the way to go about this."

"What are you, my friggin conscious?"

"Why yes I am, for this part."

I grabbed him with two fingers around his neck and started shaking him.  I really didn't need this right now, I wanted to hit someone - and hard.  His eyes were starting to bulge out of his eye sockets when I felt a hand on my shoulder.  Turning around, I felt a fist fly into my face and suddenly I was looking up from the floor at a man in black leather pants and a black shirt.

"Leave the cricket alone." the man said.

"And who the hell are you."

"Scott Stamp from Creed, I'm here to keep the cricket safe."

"But you aren't dead."

"Neither is the cricket, we just volunteer in times like this."

I stood up, staying as far back from them as I could.  This was just all to weird for me, what with talking crickets and singers from bands standing before me.

"And what if I don't wanna relive my 'key points of 

life' as you call them?  What if I want to go kick Boscorelli's ass?"

The cricket shook his head as he looked up at me from Scott's palm.  "I'm sorry, but that's not going to help anything.  And do you really want to do that?  You wife is happy with him, and so are your children."

"Listen to what you just said you friggin jag off.  _My wife and __my kids.  Not his.  That bastard broke up my family."_

I could tell the two of them were going to say something, but before they had a chance, the devil appeared.  Now, how do I know it was the devil, you might be asking yourself?  Well, if the flames surrounding the red man with pointed ears and a pointed tail didn't give it away, than maybe it was because I had watched that show 'God, the Devil and Bob' before it was canceled.

"Freddy Freddy Freddy, you've been a bad monkey." was all he said as he slapped cuffs of flaming metal on my wrists.  "No visiting anything now, you're going to your new home, where you will be able to watch the happier moments of Faith's and Bosco's life for eternity."

"NNNNOOOOOOOO" was all I could scream as I was lead away, the damn cricket and singer shaking their heads and me wondering why everyone was calling me a bad monkey.

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Faith looked around the living room as she closed the door on her fellow friends, a frown on her face.

"Faith, what's wrong baby?"

"I don't know, but did you just hear something?"

He shook his head no as he took her arm and lead her to the couch.  "Must have been the wind.  I'm gonna have to go put the cap back on the chimney.

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_This chapter and the previous one really reads good when you're listening to "Chimpmunks roasting on an open fire" by Bob Rivers.  I do not own Jimminy Cricket, nor Scott Stamp, though I would love to own him and his leather pants.  I just borrowed them for this little tale.  :)_


End file.
